More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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