i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
