I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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