oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
