It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Enjoy the penises
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
