Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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