He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
