I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
