If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize