Three words: puerto rican gang bang
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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