I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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