The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
