I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
