I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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