she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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