Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
