my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
