Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Semen is not good for contacts.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
