so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
