I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
