so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
