So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
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It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??