this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"