I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.