if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.