yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor