When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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