Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
