how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I want to fling myself into the sun
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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