singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
