i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I need to calm my uterus...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.