So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
