I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
