This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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