Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
