I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
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Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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