Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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