Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
