i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
