i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
