he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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