I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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