so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
