My liver just broke up with me...
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
