Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
