maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
