So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
