You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
