Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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