I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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