Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
