You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
