haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize