I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
