Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
