'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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