You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
