You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Boobs are out for the taking
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
