I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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