I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
