Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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