i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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