so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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