I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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