Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize