Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
People in love make me want to vomit
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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