Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
