The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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