his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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