yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
