You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
