I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
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I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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