k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
