when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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