I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
