guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
