I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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